Maddox on his way to school with Joe: Dad, I love school because it helps our brains get stronger. Then, it doesn't hurt so much when you do summersaults.
Joey in the car on the way to dinner...
Joey: Mom and dad, I think I'm going to pass out on dinner.
Us: What's wrong? Do you not feel good?
Joey: No, I'm just not hungry, so I think I'll pass out.
Me: Pass out? Do you mean you don't 'want' dinner?
Joey: Yes, I don't want dinner - so I will pass out!!! (getting frustrated)
Me: Um, I think you mean that you will "pass" on dinner, not "pass out."
Tucking the boys into bed at night...
Me: Tomorrow is a mommy day - I don't have to work so you get to stay home with me all day!
Joey: Ohhhh....but are you just going to take us to a bunch of stores?
(Kind of made me sad - clearly, they do not like running errands with me on my day off!)
During the NBA Championship game, Kevin (Joe's best friend) was at our house and we were watching the game. Joey was playing about five feet away and Kevin and Joe were having a discussion about Dwayne Wade.
Joe to Kevin: It just seems like ever since LeBron James got there, that Dwayne Wade is a little bitch.
Joey: Dad, what's a "little bitch"?
Two nights later, Joe and I are watching the games again and I say, in reference to LeBron James, "He thinks his poop don't stink."
Joey: Mom, are you serious?
Me: About what?
Joey: Does that guy's poop really not stink??? How can his poop not stink? How do you know that?
And, then it was time for my life lesson:
Me: Joey, that's the thing about life. It doesn't matter how rich you are, what kind of car you drive, or what degree you have....EVERYONE'S poop stinks!
It was a random Saturday and Joe had spent two hours outside with the boys - they had played baseball, they rode bikes, they took a walk, they went fishing, they played basketball....they did it all. And, as they were walking back inside, Maddox turned to Joe and said, "Hey dad, do you care if I ride my bike so my legs can get some exercise?"
Joey has really been thinking about what he wants to be when he grows up....
Joey: Mom, what should I be when I grow up?
Me: I don't know. Maybe you will want to be like daddy someday.
Joey: Be a worker???? UGHHHHHH. NOOOOOO. That is SO much work, mom.
Two days later at dinner with Uncle Kyle, Uncle Cary and Aunt Ali:
Joey: I want to be just like Uncle Kyle when I grow up and play video games all day.
(This would be especially funny if you knew our family!)
I was on the phone with Heather and Maddox was in the background interrupting...
Maddox: Remember those boobies at the lake, mom?
Me: What?
Maddox: Those boobies that we swam to at the lake...
Joe: Buoys! Buoys!
Maddox: yeah, those boobies kept going up and down.
Joe: No, Maddox, they are "buoys" - NOT BOOBIES.
Joey: What are you talking about? Those bootys at the lake? What bootys?
Joe: BUOYS!!
Guthrey: I knew we should have gone to the lake with them.
I just finished reading a book on the Navy Seals and Joe and I were having a conversation about it.
Me: yeah, there's a suggested pre-Seals workout that includes push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups....Lots of those.
Joey: push-ups, situps and diapers???? (He got a little confused on pull-ups!)
We were all watching "Expedition Impossible" on t.v., in which a blind guy is a competitor. The blind guy was explaining on the show how he can "hear" the empty spaces around him.
Joe: Wow, Joey, this guy is blind and look at all he's doing...
Joey: He can't see?
Joe: No, but the really cool thing is that his other senses are extra-good....so his hearing is really good and he can smell really good....
Joey: I would hate to be blind. That would mean I could smell my poop REALLY good. Gross.
Maddox sneezed and then said, "Anyone? Anyone? Isn't anyone going to bless me????"
Maddox went to go poop in the bathroom, sat down, and then yelled out, "Anyone? Anyone? Isn't anyone going to bring me a book or a magazine????"
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As an added bonus, here are couple of other funny quotes - not from Joey and Maddox, but that made me laugh.
Text from my brother-in-law, Cary:
"So, Uncle Larry is going to get his plane? Will he fly it here or drive it?" - Quote from my sister-in-law Ali.
My niece, Maya: Daddy, why do we have a minivan?
My brother-in-law, Guthrey: Because daddy wanted to give up his manhood all at one time.
Our 80-something neighbor across the street is waving at the four of us....
Mr. Hoffa: "Hi boys!!! Your mom sure is looking happy!"
Me to Joe: See, Joe? Even Mr. Hoffa can see how happy I am. I think I just exude happiness.
Me to Mr. Hoffa: Hiiii Mr. Hoffa! (waving cheerfully, thrilled for the compliment).
Joe puts his arm around me and says, "Um, I hate to break it to you, but he said that mom sure was looking HEFTY - not happy, but HEFTY.
Me: That *%$hole. (just kidding, I didn't really say that!)
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