Confessions of a (Guilty) Mom

So, I watched Oprah the other day. It was "Mom Day" at Harpo Studio, and moms all over the country wrote in and "Skyped" in their confessions. Their guilty confessions. One mom told a tale of sipping wine with her husband while her son "cried it out." Another mom confessed that she doesn't enjoy "craft time" with her kids. So, as I watched, and as I related, I thought about my own confessions. And, here they are. One by one. It's time to let them all out.

• I try to fill each corner of my kids' plates with veggies, fruit, and a main dish. One day when there was no fruit to be found in the house, I considered fruit snacks as one of the major food groups. Afterall, the package read "made with real fruit juice." That COUNTS.


• I'm not big into winter coats. I don't like stuffing my children in a big, poofy winter coat into their small, tight car seats. So, I don't. Even when it snows. Or blizzards. Instead, they wear thick hooded sweatshirts and hats, and I always warm up the car before we get in. It WORKS, people.


• When I'm at home with the kids, I don't teach them anything when it comes to ABCs, 123s, writing their name or how to tie their shoes. I just don't. And, when I do, I become impatient. I've been like this since I was a student in elementary school- I had trouble understanding why some kids couldn't read as fast as I could. That's why I never became a teacher. I feel guilty about this confession, but it's out there now.


• I love being a mom. But, I don't need it to define who I am.


• That I have literally wanted to hurt the child at the playground who was hitting other kids, throwing rocks and being mean. Like let's just say it took everything in me to stay seated and remain calm, and allow Joey to be within 3 feet of him. And, I'm shaking as I write this down right now.


• That when Joey was a baby and "crying it out," I hunkered down in the laundry room and turned on the washer and dryer so I wouldn't have to hear him and sat on the stair steps and cried it out right along with him.


• That I used to wonder who was reading all those magazines people had in their bathrooms. Now, I know. It's moms who have no other time except for when they use the restroom to read a magazine.


• Sometimes I fake a stomach ache and go sit in the bathroom just to catch up on the latest fashion icons in 'Glamour' - none of which I have the money, or style, to pull off anyway.


• I once wanted to literally kill my husband went he went jogging happily to the gym, while I was barefoot and pregnant and unable to see my feet or stop eating after having 3 Taco John Super Burritos. I still get mad when I think about that specific day.
  
• Lack of sleep can lead to bad, bad things.


• I wanted to go back to work after I had Joey. I wanted normalcy, a routine, a schedule, and I wanted something I knew how to do every day.


• The only reason I breastfed was I thought I could justify new clothes with the money I was saving our family by becoming a milk machine. It had nothing to do with health, brain development or helping their immune system. It was all about the new shirt at Gap.


• I once sat in the driveway in our house and let the boys watch 20 more minutes of their cartoon in their car, just so I could sit in peace and drink my fountain soda.


• I think it's okay to spank your children.


• I tried to spank Joey one time and he laughed in my face. And, then I didn't know what to do after that. So, I walked out of the room to calm down and figure out my game plan, and found my husband laughing at me, too. Spanking may be okay, but it's not for everyone. It's not for me.


• I sometimes still laugh when my child burps out loud. I laugh because I think it is funny. And, at our last doctor's visit, the pediatrician said to us, "Now is the time not to laugh when they burp or don't use their manners....believe me, I know you guys aren't those kind of parents, but you know who I mean." And, I nodded my head in agreement- YES, I DO know who you mean. SOOOOO not us. We invented table manners.


• I pray every night and thank God for my kids. But, sometimes the prayers end like this, "Just let me get through one more day, God. Please help me, or I do think they will truly eat me alive."


• Sometimes the grass is always greener for us moms. The stay at home moms long for a life outside "those walls" and the working moms long for a life "within those walls." As for me, I just feel happy to have "walls" at all right now. I have the best of both worlds, some would say but it's not perfect either, and sometimes I'm jealous of the "other" moms.

• This one is really bad. So, I was at the grocery store and Maddox had this big, gross booger in his nose. I got it out and then didn't know what to do. I had a booger on my finger and no kleenex in my purse. So, I faked like I was going down to reach for the dried apricots on the bottom shelf, and instead, I wiped the booger on the shelf. I KNOW, this is so bad, and so embarrassing that I did something so gross. And, I know all of you are gasping right now, but I didn't know what else to do! Don't judge me, please.


• I think it's okay to lie to your children sometimes. Here are some of my recent lies:
  1. That Grandpa Cecil got his hand cut off by reaching in the cookie jar when his mama told him not to. 2. That boogers are poisonous, and thus, anyone who eats them will be sent to the hospital immediately. 3. That Buzz Lightyear is most definitely downstairs and you must go look for him for approximately 30 minutes, which also happens to be the same amount of time that an episode of “Two and a Half Men” runs. 4. That if you don’t brush your teeth, the germ monsters will invade your entire mouth, and one day, all of your teeth will fall out and you will never be able to eat candy again. Never.

Those are just a few of them. Some embarrassing, some difficult but all true. I'm sure there will be lots more from here on out, but this is a pretty solid start, if I do say so myself. It was actually kind of freeing- you should try it!