They really say this stuff

Has been awhile since I've shared any "Joeyisms" or "Mad Dawgies" with you, so here I go. These conversations actually take place!

Joey: Mom, there is a stinky boy in my class.
Me: Joey! Are you sure he stinks?
Joey: Yes, mom, he stinks really bad.
Me: Well, Joey maybe his stomach hurt and he didn't feel good and so he 'foofed' a little.
Joey: No, mom, he stinks EVERY day - it was NOT a foof!
Me: Well, I think you should be very nice to him and maybe that will help. (This was my attempt to make sure he's not being mean or leaving out the stinky boy in class.)
Joey: Why would that help mom? Why would it not make him stink?
Me: I don't know Joey. Just be nice to him.
Joey: But, how mom? If you're nice to someone, does it mean they won't stink?
Me: Yes, Joey. When you are nice to people, they will not stink. (He will be confused by this lesson for the rest of his life, I bet...some day he will know that nothing will make the stinky kid not stink. It's just part of life.)

Maddox: Mom, Buzz say 'shit.' Shit a bad word.
Me: Maddox we don't say that word.
Maddox: yeah, we do not say shit. No one say shit.
Me: Maddox, that's enough.
Joey: What's he saying, mom?
Maddox: Buzz say sh...
Me: Maddox, that's enough.
Joey: Maddox, I know what you said. Mom, he's saying that Buzz said shit.
Me: Joey, we do not say that word. No one said that word. Buzz does not say that word.
Joey: Buzz does not say shit.
Maddox: Yeah he did, mom, he said shit.
Joey: No, Maddox, he didn't say 'shit', he said 'ship'.
Me: Okay, both of you, now that's enough. NO ONE says shit.
Joey: But, mom, you heard Buzz, right? He says ship- NOT shit. Shit is a bad word.

At this point, Joe and I were about dying. It reminded us of the scene out of the Great Outdoors, when the mom says, "No one is blowing anything out of anyone's a*@." I wish I could have recorded the whole conversation.

Me: Joey, what did you do in school today?
Joey: We had a firetruck. But, mom, NOOOO fire....ugh. (He drooped his head and acted extremely disappointed that they didn't have a fire.)

This one, Maddox had just woke up from his nap.
Me: Hi Maddox. How did you sleep?
Maddox: Like this mom. (And, then he laid his whole body down on the floor and started fake snoring. He was literally showing me HOW he slept. Genius)

Every morning we take Joey to school and we walk past a Jesus statue (his school is in a church). So, every morning, we all say, "Good morning, Jesus!" and then when we leave, we say, "See you later, Jesus!" Well, the school director witnessed Maddox doing saying hello and thought it was so cute, so she waited for us to leave to watch him say goodbye. Maddox looked over at Jesus and said, "See you later POOPY JESUS!" Wow. Wasn't exactly the proud moment I was hoping for.

This was just random.
Joey: Mom, I'm going to leave you this kiss on your hand so you always remember me. When you see it, it will remind you of me.
I thought this was wonderful and shared it with Lisa and she said, "Oh, that's from a book I read them at my house- that's in the book!" So, guess he didn't come up with it on his own like I thought he had!

Every time Maddox sees the letter "M" - he yells at "Letter Me! That's a Me!" and when he sees a letter "H" he says "That's Mama Holly! That's Holly!"

Joey: Mom, I played a game at grandma's and it had a letter T on it for Teenager.
Me: Well, that's not for you, Joey that's for older kids like Chuckie and Zach, not for little kids like you.
Joey: Mom, teenagers are part of the world so I have to be one. (Really? Part of the world? Where does he come up with that stuff?)

This time I was lecturing Joey about something and he looked at me and said, "Mom, I am NOT in the mood." Oh, well, excuse me then.

This time, Joe was yelling at Joey for something or other and Joey said, "Dad, if you keep talking to me like that, Santa will not bring you any presents!"

Every morning when the kids wake up, I always say to them, "GOOD MORNING, Joey!" or "GOOD MORNING, Maddox!" and I say it very cheerful and add things like, "It's going to be a great day!" or "God gave us a great day, didn't He?" It has to be painfully annoying to them, but most times, they are happy and say good morning back with a smile. Well, on this day, I kept saying good morning and never got a return so, I usually keep saying it until I get them to return the greeting. Joey looked at me and said, "Mom, sometimes when people wake up in the morning, they don't want to talk, okay?" My response was, "Well, not in this house. In this house, we always want to say good morning!" I can tell that he's going to ADORE his mama as a teenager!

And, my last story comes from just tonight. Joey drew me a picture in school and I thanked him for it.
Me: I love it Joey! What is it?
Joey: It's you, mom!
Me: It's me? With a Christmas tree maybe?
Joey: It's you with a broken face.
Me: Oh.
Joey: And with a broken leg.
Me: Oh. Um, what happened to me?
Joey: God made you that way. But, I didn't draw God because you can't see him but he's there.
Okay, the conversation started out rough with the whole "I drew you with a broken face and a broken leg, mom- don't you love it?" but ended nicely with the whole "You can't see God but he's there" message. I'll take what I can get.

Kids say the darndest things. Write 'em down, put 'em in your pocket, put a notebook by your bed, or burn it to memory. They are too good to let go of.