Bring on the rain...

I've got to say....2009 is not starting out with a bang. I've had "days", I've had "weeks" but so far, it's been a "year"....you know the kind of year when:

• Your youngest son gets the croup.
• Your oldest son gets pink eye.
• Your grandpa gets sick. Very sick.
• Your husband gets busy at work.
• Your nephew gets diarrhea, and your neice gets constipated.
• Your daycare provider's kids get sick and contagious.
• Your oldest son gets runny nose and cough.
• Your furnace breaks.
• You pack up the kids and hubby and go to the in-laws for a sleepover, in fear of freezing to death.
• And, $400 later, the furnace is fixed.
• Your mom's good friend gets diagnosed with leukemia.
• Your friends get laid off from their jobs.
• Your cousin worries she is next to get laid off.
• It snows.
• It snows some more.
• Add to it some ice.
• Making it impossible to drive home at a moment's notice to see your grandpa.
• Your poor car continues to decline and is wavering on the "junker" status.
• Your dog pukes on your new carpet.
• Your dog pukes on your mother-in-law's carpet.
• Your cousin's baby is sick....all the time....and doesn't eat...and doesn't feel good....
• Your good friend's nephew is diagnosed with a Wilms' Tumor (kidney cancer).
• And you get emails from work saying, "Do you have this done yet?" and "Where is this document" and "New project coming your way soon."
• And, when you're working, you think about your kids. And, when you're with your kids, you think about the work piling up.
• You snap at your husband for really no good reason at all.
• Pink Eye strikes again.
• And, you really feel as if you've had enough.

And, then you're reminded that

• There are 100 parents sitting outside of the cancer wing in Rochester wishing they were you, and praying to take the pain away from their 5-year old.
• You see soldiers coming back from Iraq who missed the birth of their new baby so you could enjoy the heat in your own home.
• You have a job. And, you're busy. You feel safe in it. And your husband has a job. And, you actually like your jobs.
• And kids love sledding and catching snowflakes on their tongue.
• Your cousin who found two lumps in her breast turned out to be just fine.
• Your brother made it home safe and sound from school - despite a small scare.
• And, your sister-in-law's pregnancy is healthy and without complications.

But, then you ask yourself why 30 years with your grandpa doesn't seem to be enough time. And, you think that if you just stay awake, and if you just hold his hand longer, and if you just say the exact right words, and if you just ask God for one favor, and if you could just stop the world from spinning....then everything would be as it should be. And, you know you have faith and you know there's a much better place beyond Earth and you know this is God's plan and you know that this isn't "living" anymore, and you know you have no regrets, that everything has been said and done and you wouldn't change one thing, and you know you should be thankful and grateful for the time you have....yet, you still feel cheated. You still feel slighted. You still feel as if life is being unfair. You feel like you're in this dream, and when you wake up, it should be over. But, it's not. And, your heart aches. The tears flow. Your stomach is in knots. And, you're afraid to answer any phone calls from your dad. And, as hard as it is, you wouldn't want it any other way. This is what it's like to love someone so much it hurts. But, you hope that what they say is true- one day, it won't hurt so much and your heart will smile every time you remember.