Mad Dawgies and Joeyisms

We're getting ready for school and I tell Joey it's a gym day, so I say to Joey, "Would you like to use an out-of-uniform pass since it's gym day?"
Joey: Noooo....we're doing something SO stupid in gym.
Me: What could be so stupid?
Joey: (With a complete rolling of the eyes)....SQUARE-DANCING!
Joe spit out his milk he was laughing at Joey so hard.  Ah, the memories of square dancing in gym class!!

Joey: Dad, Amara Darbo has a tattoo
Joe: yep- and it's permanent, Joey, it will NEVER go away.
Joey: I'm gonna get one when I'm in high school.
Joe: No, you're not.
Joey: yes, I am.
Joe: I will smack you in the face if you do.
Joey: I'll get one in college then.
Joe: I will still smack you in the face.
Joey: You will be dead when I'm in college, dad.

Then, later, he says to me:
Joey: Mom, I'm gonna get a tattoo when I'm in college.
Me: No, you're not.
Joey: Yes, I am.
Me: Your dad and I will not give you one dime if you get a tattoo and we will not pay for your college.
Joey: Nothing? Oh.
Me: So, you want our money or a tattoo?
Joey: I guess I won't get a tattoo then.

A few stories on Maddox getting confused by words....

Maddox: Mom, have you ever seen "Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid?"
(I start dying laughing)
Me: I think you mean "DIARY of a Wimpy Kid"
Maddox: No, Diarrhea.
Me: Maddox, diarrhea means poop.
Joey: Well, mom, it's actually REALLY REALLY gross poop. So, it wouldn't be "Really, really gross poop of a wimpy kid, Maddox."
Maddox: Oh, okay- then it's diary, I guess.

Maddox and I are brushing his teeth and I had got him new toothpaste.
Maddox: That toothpaste is ADORABLE.
Me: Um, do you know what 'adorable' means?
Maddox: Yeah! It means you LOVE it! You think it's awesome.
Me: Kind of.....it means "cute."
Maddox: Oh, toothpaste is NOT CUTE. 

I put on an Under Armour shirt on Maddox and he starts feeling it and goes, "Ahhhhh.....material. I just love material."

This was with Grandma Bobbi, Maddox said, "Grandma, let's go see if the concussion stand is open."

This was a conversation in our car on the way home from school.
Maddox: Why do you think God can do EVERYTHING?
Me: I don't know, Maddox. He just can.
Joey: Maddox, do you want to be God?
Maddox: No, I just want to be like him.
Joey: Really? You want to get nailed to a cross and then put in a tomb? I DON'T THINK SO! I would NOT want to do that.
Maddox: Oh, maybe not.
Joey: Well, I guess you're only in the tomb for 3 days and then you live again. It might not be so bad for you, Maddox. But, not for me.

Maddox threw himself down on the floor in frustration over something. Joey comes up to me in the kitchen and says, "Mom, do you sometimes think Maddox is out of control?"
Me: Well, what do you mean by that?
Joey: Like, he's out of control....like he's a little crazy....out of control!
Me: Well, sometimes.
Joey: I knew you thought that. I just knew it. I won't tell him you said that though.

Then, yesterday, Maddox was whining about something and Joey came up to me and said, "Mom, do you think I behave better than Maddox?"
Me: Joey, I think you are both very good boys.
Joey: But, I'm kind of better than him. Just tell me.
Me: No, I'm not going to tell you that....now, go play.
(Ha ha! I love how he wants me to tell him I think he's a better kid than Maddox!"

Maddox and I are in the car after school.
Maddox: Mom, I made you a surprise in school but I won't tell you what it is.
Me: Oh, I can't wait. Don't tell me.
Maddox: Well, it's a bug, mom. I made you a bug. How about you guess what kind of bug?
Me: Maddox, you weren't supposed to tell me!
Maddox: Just guess.
Me: Okay, a ladybug?
Maddox: MOMMMMM!!!! WHY DID YOU GUESS THAT? YES, I made you a ladybug! I hope you're happy now. Now, you know your surprise!