Santa Baby, Hurry Down the Chimney Tonight

Seems like just yesterday we were taking Joey to see Santa for the first time. I had a cute little winter Penguin outfit for him to wear- picked out especially for this visit. He never cried and Joe and I were cheezing it the whole time! Convinced he will want to remember this moment forever, we stare in awe at our son and our first Christmas as a family. There might have even been a tear or two, I can't recall. Twelve dollars and 99 cents- what a steal- for a moment like this!

Then, the next year, we had heard something about the Santa in Valley West being a creep or having a criminal record or something along those lines, so we switched to Jordan Creek Mall....to a Santa in which Joe insists that you couldn't pay him a million dollars to climb up on his lap. He's different...no Santa suit, just trousers, but a real beard has to count for something. Joey could have sat and read a book with him for hours. It was the longest time Joey had sat still in a long time, so Joe and I held up the entire line to enjoy our 59 seconds of Christmas peace and joy. It was our second Christmas as a family, and our family was already expanding (I was pregnant with Maddox) and visions of two boys on Santa's lap were racing through our heads. There were no tears this time, just an anxiety attack or two. And, $14 dollars and 99 cents later (Jordan Creek Santa sure is pricier), out came this photo. Please note: Joey's cute "Santa's Little Helper" t-shirt. Adorable. Insisting that we go back to the same Santa despite Joe's pleas, we head to Jordan Creek Mall last year with our new little Maddox. Both the boys loved it. Joe and I whisper to each other that if we're not careful, Maddox will end up the same size as Santa at next year's Christmas. We won't say it out loud to him though, we'll leave that to Gma Phyllis. Parenting two boys was more difficult than we thought, so we both have a grand idea of paying $10 extra to have Santa hold them while we do a little Christmas shopping. As we're debating the idea, Santa whispers "I love you very much" in the boys' ears that sends shivers down Joe's back. I insist to Joe that it's a Santa thing and not at all creepy (although internally, my thoughts are racing - maybe it was Jordan Creek mall that was rumored about?!?), I pay my $15.99 (cha-ching) and happily leave, er run, with photo in hand. Note: one out of two boys has a Christmas-themed outfit on. Not bad. Which leads us to this year's Santa photo opp. Oh yes, that's right, we return to Jordan Creek-you-give-us-the-creepies-Santa. Note to self: Santa seems to be gaining weight. Note to self: More like Gma Phyllis than what you think. I see that there's no line at Santa - only one family before us- and the timing is perfect. Joe rolls his eyes and looks at me as if a photo with THAT Santa is completely out of the question. No, Joe, the real question is: Where's your Christmas spirit? Now, get the kids and let's get in the damn line before another family sneaks in before us. We get ready, and see that it's not any ordinary family in front of us. Oh no, the Clampits are taking their photo. Mom has hair down to her knees. Dad sporting chains. 4 kids, and a brand new baby. They take several poses- one of just the kids, one with the parents, one with the boys, one with the girls. Joe is growing very impatient and Maddox's eyes are coming out of his head, he's so scared. I look at my boys - one in pajamas and one in Nike gear- clearly I have let my parenting skills at Christmas slide over the years. I tell Joe that surely they will be done anytime. But, no, it gets worse. The mom (with the hair down to knees) takes her new baby (um, a 3-week old), puts her in Santa's lap, makes Santa lay down and put his feet up and then takes several other poses. For example, one of Santa saying "Shhh" to baby. Another one of Santa closing his eyes next to baby. One of Santa laying down with feet up, one with him sitting, one with his arms over his head. Joe whispers to me that these poses are more suitable for porn magazines than for Santa poses. I comment back that the holiday season, and Santa's workshop, is not a time or place to be discussing pornographic poses and to stay focused on the holiday spirit. We finally approach Santa. Joey is more concerned about the free gift, and Maddox is TERRIFIED - rightfully so. Joe is standing with arms crossed off to the side, ready to pounce on Santa if needed. After three photos of Maddox screaming with fear, we finally capture this photo for $16.99. That's right, with people losing their houses and jobs, it only seems right that Santa capitalizes on the strained economy and up the photo price.

Oh yes, I love looking at all of the Santa photos because each one brings back different feelings and memories. And, although Joe drags his feet every year, I'm convinced there's a little part of his heart that is especially reserved for Jordan Creep Santa. We will keep visiting Santa (well, not if Santa keeps up his eating habits this winter) as long as we can. And, someday, the boys will look back and remember the days when they believed, really believed. And, I'll remember the joy in my heart, and the tears in my eyes as the boys grow more and more every day. And, Joe will start sweating at the thought of ever going back....

May your trips to Santa never be easy, but always be memorable.