Gpa Cecil Blues

My Gpa Cecil had gall bladder surgery on Monday. He's been having intense stomach pain for quite some time. We weren't sure if it was from the chemo/radiation from the prostate cancer, or if it was the gall bladder. After the doctors looked at it, they did think it was the gall bladder but his white count wasn't high enough to do surgery. So, they made him wait through about 10 days of pain til the count got higher, and then Monday he was able to have the surgery. The surgery went "fine" I guess, but the pain is still not going away. His stomach feels really tight and he said it's just like one big, long, painful stomach ache. Ugh. Makes my stomach hurt. So, yesterday, on a whim, I decided to go home at 4 p.m. and see him. It's hard to be away and in your head, you think that if you were there, maybe he wouldn't be in pain anymore- as irrational as that sounds. So, I went home and surprised them and mom and dad. We went into the hospital and he was surprised and grateful I came home. He laid in bed and I just held his hand. We didn't talk much at first, just kind of sat there. Gma came into the room later and was surprised to see me, too. Mom and I took Gma out to eat so she could get out - she stays at the hospital all day with him. Dad stayed with Grandpa. Then when we got back, mom and dad visited a little and then left Gma and I to stay with Grandpa. Mostly, I chatted about the boys and tried to think of every funny, fascinating, cute story I could tell about the kids (can you believe I ran out?). I was trying to pass the time and get his mind off the pain. But, after a while, I'd say, "Do you feel better now?" And, Gpa would say, "No, not really." Turns out my stories about little Joey and Maddox can't cure cancer, afterall. We stayed til 9:30 and then said goodbye. I hugged Gpa tight and for a long time and with tears, left the room. I think I cried the most when I saw Gpa and Gma say goodbye to each other. They held hands, said their "I love yous"....it's a good feeling to know your grandparents are in love, and would do anything for each other. It's difficult though because I realize more and more that Gpa and Gma need each other like a needle needs a vein (yep, I stole that from a song). I worry about them apart, they're much stronger together.

I went home, visited with mom and dad, and then went to bed. I didn't grow up in the house my parents live in, but it feels like home. And, by myself, in the bedroom with no kids and no Joe, I felt like I was young again and that somehow, my parents would solve this problem for me, too. Saying my prayers, I wanted to pray for God to step in, make it all better, and let me keep Gpa forever. But, I'm reminded that the ultimate reward is heaven, and I want that for my Gpa in the worst way. Just not now. So, I prayed for pain relief and a good sleep for Gpa.

I'm grateful I'm close to my Grandpa and I will always cherish the times we've had together, and the memories we've formed, and the wisdom he's shared through the years. I hope I can pass just half of that down to my children. Instead, I passed his name down to Maddox Cecil. That's the best I can do for now.

I'm going home on Friday to see him again so I'm hoping the sun is shining a little brighter on us then...I know God has a plan, but just wish He'd let me have a little input. Maybe God is reading my blog today....(that would be awesome, by the way, especially if he left a 'comment' for me. : )